Dear Fighters,

For the next few days at least, I will be quoting the lessons learned from one of my favorite books – How To Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. This is the first of his books I have read and I am an enormous fan already. The book was a short read but has completely changed the way I “deal with people.”

One of his points of advice that really hit home with me was “Never Criticize People…” – He didn’t really give away 3 reasons, but I am (after thinking how this applies in my life).

1. It inspires one to be defensive.

Have you ever tried to work with or talk to anyone that is defensive? It’s very hard, they shut down their reasoning and listening and focus on DEFENDING themselves. At this point, nothing you say will convince them that you’re right.

What happens is that THEM being defensive makes YOU more aggressive and soon, before you know it, you’re arguing.

2. It inspires “negative” feelings…

A goal of mine when I speak to anyone (even if we’re fighting) is to make them walk away feeling good. I don’t want anyone, ever, to walk away from me feeling ill-will towards me.

Well, when you put someone down and tell them they’re WRONG – they tend not to have rosey thoughts of you.

3. Your message is completely tainted…

Whatever you were trying to get across – forget about it. It ain’t happening. That person is no longer focused on your “constructive” criticism, they’re focusing on your criticism and are now thinking of how they can “attack” back.

So, all in all, I think “constructive criticism” is bull **** – there is no such thing! Always focus on COMPLEMENTING with helpful suggestions

It may seem like I just did a play on words, but I really didn’t – there is a huge difference, try it and see for yourself.

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