Ever had anything bad happen to you? Anything that really crawled under your skin? Something you feel like you never got closure on?

How long have you let it eat away at you…how long did you run around complaining about it and inflicting your negativity not only on yourself but on all those around you?

What good did it do? Did it help you in any way? Did it help anyone around you in any way?

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Without being too specific, I will just say that a while back “things” happened that left someone very unhappy with me. In all honesty, I had just as much reason to be upset with him, however, I never really was.

In short, things didn’t go exactly the way this person had wanted, even though I did everything in my power to help resolve the matter (and he even agrees that I did), he walked away very un-happy.

It’s been months and months now and I’ve since completely forgotten about it. The only time I am reminded about it is when I hear this person is (yet again) publicly making remarks about his displeasure.

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Initially I used to get very upset and confused about why this person is acting this way. However, I recently had a moment of “epiphany.” You see, I know this person, he’s not a bad guy - the opposite actually, he’s an awesome person (good heart and all).

So, when I decided to put myself in his shoes, I realized that for him to STILL be so bitter that he continues to make remarks, he must really have been hurt or even traumatized from what happened. See, for me, it was not a big deal, like politics, I was used to it all - however, for him it was all BRAND new.

Rather than being upset with him, I now try to better understand his side. I guess he’s still very upset/hurt and the reason he continues to make “sly” remarks every now and then is because he needs a release (a pressure valve to open).

But what good is it doing?

It’s not hurting me (maybe irritating me a little). However, it is bothering him obviously. It’s bringing negativity to him and those who he makes the remarks to.

Whatever needs to be done, he needs to do SOMETHING to gain closure - it’s just not good to keep carrying it around.

2 lessons today:

1. Before you react to someone, take a minute and put yourself in their shoes. You may still not agree with what they did, but I promise you’ll better understand them.

2. LET GO! I don’t care what you have to do, but find a way to let go. Negativity can become a plague, not only bringing you down, but all those around you who you care the most for.

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Here is a fighter’s kryptonite (one amongst many) - jealousy.

Jealousy is innately built into us as humans. We want more than the next person. We want to be better than the next person. For the most part, we can’t stand to see others succeed unless we are moving along right with them.

I’m speaking to myself as much as I am to anyone else - I’ve worked on “jealousy” all my life and am finally arriving at a point where I am firm with my own goals, strengths and plan. What others do does not impact me near as much as it used and I’ve quit trying to “ride the wave.”

Many of us make the mistake of just doing what others do in the interest of getting the same results as them. I am willing to bet that this strategy works out for about 1 in 1,000,000 (if that many even).

Bottom line is that you’re YOU and that’s it. You want to succeed? Great! Do it on your own terms, not someone else’s.

Be Envious, Not Jealous

I have this cousin who is incredibly well off, nice big house, expensive cars, great family (the list goes on…). Since I was a little kid I’ve looked up to him and always been amazed at all the things he had and how cool he was.

I’ve always wanted what he has and wanted to live his life. By the way, he works his tail off and has earned every ounce of it - that’s what impresses me the most.

So, no, I didn’t want it handed down to me - I wanted to do it the way he did.

Growing up, I saw that he was in Medical school and that he was going to make tons of money in the future - so what did I do? I started studying to be a doctor…

1 year into my studies I hated it, hated my life and everything around myself.

I quickly learned that I had to do these things MY way, not his. I left medicine and started studying business and 3 years later, I can say it was the best decision I ever made (for me).

I was never jealous, just motivated…

You see, during that entire time, I was never once jealous of my cousin. Rather I used his success to MOTIVATE me. I let it be proof to me that “if he could do it, so could I.”

I chose a completely different path and a few years later I’m almost there! Given, he’s got a few years head start on me

Be ENVIOUS of people and look up to their success and let it motivate you to do the same. But, don’t be jealous, jealousy will eat you alive and only hold you back.

But a Fighter is ALWAYS Competitive…

I made the story above sound all rosey, don’t get me wrong - I’m still a fighter and a fighter is ALWAYS competitive. But it’s always respectful competition. I only “compete” with those who are stronger than I.

It helps me grow, it helps me excel and it gives me clear goals to achieve.

So in review - don’t be jealous, be envious. Use the success of others to propel and motivate you into action. Commit yourself to achieving even more success, but do it YOUR own way. Never shortcut anyone, remember, this is a big world and we can all be successful.

But a little competitive spirit never hurt anyone

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