…what in the devil’s sir name are you talking about?!

I really want to thank one of my friends for getting me out of a slight “funk” recently. Here’s the odd thing though, he got me out of the funk by giving me the worst advice anyone could give me!

But his advice woke me up, it reminded me of what I REALLY believe and the belief system that has gotten me where I am in my life today.

Here’s the back story…

I Was Recently a Bit Down…Wasn’t Sure Why…

A few weeks, not depressed or anything, but just feeling lethargic and unenergetic. I even seemed to be not get excited about great honors I’ve recently received.

I finally opened up a bit to one of my closest friends a few nights ago and expressed my major confusion as to what’s going on. This is the FIRST time that “something has been wrong with me” and I had no idea what it was.

Bottom line, everything in my life is going about as great as it possibly could.

That’s What My Friend Said – “But, You’re At The Top of Your Game Dude…”

…and he’s dead right, life has almost been SURREAL as of lately. I’ve been seeing success at almost every corner and getting recognition and national coverage for it!

I spent some time talking things out with my friend seeing that maybe if I put my thoughts out loud, something would click and I’d better understand my mental state.

It was then that I started to see a recurring theme…

Life Just Feels Too “Normal” And Repetitive Lately…

My friend quickly picked up on the fact that it seemed I was either bored, unchallenged or just needed a break from routine. However, here is where he REALLY helped me.

He felt that the feeling was obscene! His exact words…

“But, dude, that’s what life is…it’s redundant and repetitive, you’re supposed to get into a pattern and do it over and over, that’s what growing up is all about…”

I’ve never cringed more in my life then when I heard him say that. It was as if someone took a 15 inch blade to my stomach!

How could he POSSIBLY believe that?

It Was Then That I Realized What I LOVED About Myself…

Almost my entire life (at least as far as I can remember), I’ve been known to do things differently and to always do the one thing that others tell me I “can’t” do.

I’ve kept life exciting.

I graduated from college and dove into my own business (for example).

I realized that what I LOVED about my life was that I did what I wanted and when I wanted. I didn’t believe in boundaries and I certainly didn’t let life become repetitive and even BORING…

So, thank you my friend – you helped remind me of one of my biggest strengths!

Time To Do Something Different Again, New Experience…Things Others Say I Can’t Do!

…You got it, I already have a good idea of what it will be. But, you know what, it makes ME happy to even think about doing it, so who cares how crazy it sounds or who thinks I’m stupid for doing it.

Till date, if I had listened to all the nay-sayers, I’d be nobody and probably stay that way my whole life.

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So, in the end, NO LIFE IS NOT MEANT TO BE REDUNDANT AND REPETITIVE! This is the belief system of those who follow/fail and lose, not the belief system of leaders and pioneers.

Go out and experience something new, it’s the only way to grow in life.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Here’s a confession: A few months ago, I used to be incredibly impatient with new courses and books. I convinced myself that they’re “all the same.” I actually started to think that “I know it all…”

I never watched videos, I didn’t read new books, I didn’t buy new courses…rather I sat there and “smack talked” them, putting them down and making myself feel better.

Then…one day…a question came to me…

“Why is it that these guys are all making so much more money than me?”

You see one of my good friends (no names) was making it VERY big online all of a sudden, his business was blowing up. Mine, however, was growing steadily but not seeing nearly the growth that he was (but still great).

I really started to think about the difference between us and here’s what I learned…

–> This guy was in MULTIPLE mastermind groups and even paying $15,000 a year for one of them.

–> He bought and read EVERY book and course out there.

–> When others spoke, his slick mind LISTENED and IMPLEMENTED…

That Day I Made A Decision…

I decided that I’m going to listen more and open my mind (again). The days I used to have the fastest growth were the days that I took in ALL the training I could get!

Now, I have to admit, it hasn’t been easy. I still have that voice inside my head that tries to get me to stop and go about doing my own things. And, yes, 90% of what I read/watch or spend time learning, I already know.

However, let’s face it:

A) It’s great to hear things again and get a refresher. Sometimes it’s just the right timing.

B) If all you even get is the 10% – DEFINITELY worth it!

Today, I watched a 20 minute video I’d never watch in the past…

It had NO CONTENT, it was just a pure promotion. But, I learned more from watching it than most content based videos I’ve watched in the last year.

Why?

Because I got tremendous value out of just seeing HOW they are promoting their next product. I was impressed and already have tons of ideas flying around for my next project.

Lesson for the day: No, you don’t know it all (I don’t care who you are). And stop looking to learn from things that are “revolutionary” – if all you get is ONE good tip from something, it’s worth it’s weight in gold!

Popularity: 3% [?]

I was at a graduation a couple of months ago and the president of the university used a story that really hit home with me, something happened today to remind me again of the story so I thought I’d share…

Here’s the story:

A professor calls an early study group for his students, when they all get there he offers them coffee to get the morning started. He lays out a series of cups (all different kinds), some very nice and others pretty ugly.

As the students start going to get coffee, they grab a cup and make their way to the coffee.

What the professor noticed right away was that each student was choosing the nicest glass currently available at their time of selection. The last student even seemed a bit dissapointed to be “stuck” drinking from the simple styrofoam cup.

As the students sipped their coffees, the professor asked them WHY they had chosen the best cup available even the coffee was exactly the same for everyone.

None of the students could answer the question, as a matter of fact, they seemed to get confused themselves!

They hadn’t “conciously” looked for the nicest cup, it was innately built into them!

The point of the story is that we should all take a step back and think about what it is that we’re REALLY going after (the coffee) and not waste time worrying about the other things around it that are just helping you get there (the cup).

Afterall, in the end, the coffee is the same, right?

Popularity: 4% [?]

Happy 4th of July!

<Begin Rant>

Sounds funny coming from me given that I just started IwillFight.com right? Well, let’s see what I mean…

I actually LOVE self-help and self-development, but there are certain “kinds” that drive me insane. The reason I’m talking about this today is because I recently bought a book, we’ll refer to it as “Book X” that talks about how to change your life in “X” days.

It came in through Amazon yesterday and I was pretty excited to start reading it, broke it open today and within 2 minutes, I read just one phrase that made me wanna slap myself.

“Good work! Give yourself a pat on the back, look in the mirror and tell yourself ‘I’m Awesome!”

Are you kidding me? What’s this hokey pokey blabbady blah advice? Look at myself in the mirror and say I’m awesome? WHO DOES THAT?

Don’t get me wrong, Book X (I’m about 25% done) has SOME good concepts, but mostly it’s just too “common.”

TRULY good self-help books present unique concepts that help shape the way you think and react. The BEST ones use live examples to allow you to vividly picture what they’re talking about.

I’m hoping to write a book soon. I can only hope that mine will be very targeted. My goal is really to only present 10 key characteristics that can help awaken the fighter mentality.

As for what the TITLE of Book X is? I really don’t want to hurt any feelings just yet. Also, I’m only 25% of the way through it, when I finish it, maybe I’ll have changed my mind?

If not, if I’m even more irritated, maybe I shall seek revenge by naming the book here

With those happy thoughts upon you, go enjoy 4th of July or if you’re not in the U.S. – Enjoy the day anyways!

<End Rant>

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…and I won!

What you learn today: Don’t worry about what others are doing, worry about what you’re doing…

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Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for my sister-in-law and typically when I go to these, the women all play these “games” to have fun, but the men are always left out.

Well, not this time – my cousin had thought up of a great game.

She filled up small baby bottles with Heineken beer and would make all of us drink the beer out of a bottle. Whoever finished first would win.

Beer? Competition? Baby Bottle? I’m THERE!

How was this to be missed? I grabbed my bottle, waited for the count-down and began chugging.

WOW – how do babies do it? Not sure if you’ve ever tried drinking out of a bottle, it’s HARD – barely anything comes out.

So, I kept on trying and trying barely getting anywhere and finally I overhear my dad in the background say “the reason he’s going so slow is because he’s not letting go and then sucking again…”

“Ahhh….so THAT’S how you do it?”

The minute I heard that I changed my game plan and implemented the advice and it worked like a charm.

All of a sudden I hear people making a fuss so I stop, it seems that someone has won? But the minute I stopped, my cousin insisted that I keep on going until it’s finished. “Maybe there’s a second prize?” I thought…so I kept “drinking!”

A few sucks later and I hear everyone cheering me on, “did I just win?” I DID!

So What Lessons Can You Take Away From My Bottle Beer Drinking?

Believe it or not, but there is actually a “life-lesson” in that story! You see, I did TWO things that helped me win and really set me apart.

1. As I was drinking I was paying attention to my surroundings. I was listening to feedback and what people were saying. I ended up catching some good advice that ultimately led to me winning.

So, that’s a point to remember, use your 6th sense to keep a pulse of your surroundings. Listen and watch and be nimble enough to change your strategy the minute the environment changes.

2. I didn’t worry about how far “others” were…

This is a BIG one because we all do this in life. I think we spend more time worrying about what OTHERS are doing and where THEY are then we do about ourselves. However, in this case, I did the opposite.

Not even once did I even THINK about where the other person was, I just focused on drinking the FASTEST I possibly could and look what happened?! I won!

Rather the energy it takes to watch where others are, I spent that energy LISTENING to my surroundings and keeping my 6th sense open.

Remember, worry about yourself, what YOU’RE doing – don’t focus so much on what others are doing (other than to learn from it and implement it for yourself).

Popularity: 4% [?]

What you learn today: The structure to follow to peacefully and powerfully resolve a conflict.

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Yesterday I got a call from someone who works with me letting me know that I was going to have to step in as an “authority” on a call to help resolve a disagreement that was fast turning ugly. Here’s what the problem was for me, on a personal level, I’m friends with everyone involved.

Either side I take, I risk fighting with those I respect and like.

However, at the same time, I felt strongly about one side (professionally) and had no choice but to “take a side” and represent it.

For hours I thought about how to proceed so as to have the best consequence and my mind kept running through scenarios that all resulted in a big blow up – needless to say I was a bit nervous and apprehensive.

However, I realized one thing: A leader needs to be able to peacefully resolve conflicts, a leader needs to make sure all voices are heard, but also a leader needs to be able to stand strong and make a decision (even if everyone does not like it).

An indecisive leader is not only ineffective but will never have anyone’s respect.

Resorting To “Active Listening” – My Version of It…

I made a decision to handle the call in the following format:

1. Start by saying that I was there to hear all sides.
2. Summarize the concerns as “I” know them and ask the other party to confirm.
3. Ask the other party to spend some time to voice details of their concern.
4. Summarize what I heard.
5. State my side (without being combative or pointing fingers) – I would make it very clear that I was speaking my mind openly and meant no disrespect.
6. Give time for rebuttal or further concerns.
7. Explain my position one last time.
8. State how I would be moving forward.
9. Thank everyone for their time.

–> Through this entire call, I was very good about consistently reminding all parties that this was a PROFESSIONAL disagreement and was NOT personal and so nothing said should be taken personally.

I think it’s easier said than done, but the end result was fairly impressive and although we didn’t walk away “loving” each other, I do think it was fairly cordial and we’ll all get over it soon enough and that it was for the best in the long-run.

Did I Follow My Outline During The ACTUAL Call?

With the exception of a few distractions, I was very shocked that I really DID follow the outline above and it worked amazingly.

The best part about the outline above is that it makes the opposing party feel that you really ARE hearing them and are trying to work with them. However, at the same time, the outline above allows YOU to take and stay in control of the dispute and the eventual resolution.

I highly recommend that you study the outline above and implement it into ALL conflict resolutions.

Popularity: 4% [?]

…the first question you should be able to answer for someone…

What you learn today: Face it, you want someone’s help? What’s in it for them? Never ask for anything without thinking about this first…

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Before I get cynical on man-kind, let me start by saying that there are many people in the world still who will help with nothing in mind (for the pure joy of helping).

However, even for THEM, if you can create a “win-win” situation, you’re going to succeed far faster than one who does not.

Let me take a personal example. I have a great mentor who has coached me for the last 3 years on all areas of my life from personal to professional. He has been there for me anytime I have needed him and has really pulled me out of binds.

He has NEVER asked for a single thing in return. It’s because of that that I’d probably step in front of a moving bus for him.

So, did I just keep using and using?

Nope. Last year, when I was in position to reward him for his great advice, I did. I made it equitable for him to help me. Now every time he helps me, he gets something out of it too. He never asked me, but the result is just human nature. He feels appreciated and rewarded – that alone makes him that much more likely to help me and continue working with me.

Being selfish will kill you in this game…

A true fighter knows that he/she needs many soldiers on their side. Sure, your “army” may keep giving to you, they’ll be loyal and stand by your side day in and day out.

However, let me promise you this…

EVENTUALLY, if you’re always the one asking and never giving, that loyalty will seize to exist. 

Lesson: EVERY decision you make, EVERY action you take – think about how it impacts those around you. Even if it means doing something that means a BIT less for you, but then something for everyone around you – do it.

Give a little and you’ll be amazed at the results, it all comes back 10 fold (maybe it’s karma)?

Popularity: 2% [?]

What You’re About To Learn: There is some truth to the old saying “don’t re-invent the wheel…”
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I’m not sure what happened to me the last year, whether I’ve gotten a big more arrogant or I just feel “that” much smarter than everyone – but, I’ve spent a lot of time and headache trying to do things MY way.

These are the same things that others do a different way, not just a few, but ALL my friends. Of course, they’re also very successful at it.

However, still for some reason, I looked down my nose at many of them and thought “I” can do it better. Well, many headaches later, I think I’ve had an embarassing and humbling moment.

Don’t Re-invent The Wheel…

Please, if you do nothing else, do things the way they work. At least when you’re first starting something. Do it the way it’s been done, the proven way. Once you’ve proven yourself and bought some room for wiggle, feel free to try anything you want.

Bottomline, stick to the basics, sometimes creativity is not great in the beginning, but can be the difference at the right time.

Popularity: 3% [?]

What You’re About To Learn: If you want to lead, you better make fast decisions and then stick to them. Don’t “waffle” and change your mind...

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It was such a powerful and fast call that I was in AWE after I put the phone down. I came stumbling out of my office and looked at the team and said “wow, no wonder this guy is so successful…”

I had a conference call today with a new acquaintance, but a very powerful name in our industry. I had set aside at least 30 minutes to do the call, going off of the convention I’m used to. However, within the first 10 seconds of the call, I knew I was talking to someone completely different and that this call was going to be unique.

A) No small talk – RIGHT down to business.
B) Talked in a VERY fast pace – It felt like I was trying to catch up to someone who is walking very fast.
C) Point 1, Point 2, Point 3…boom boom boom – That’s how the call went. No jokes, no small talk – get to the point and move on.
D) Yes/No decisions right there…

Just so you understand me, I am not insinuating that you should make “rushed” decisions, this person obviously knew exactly what decision they were making. Just because he made it fast did not mean he made a hasty decision.

What I really respected was that he didn’t “waffle” or “buy time” – he respected both his and my time to be straight and up-front.

There were 3 topics we discussed, two he was extremely interested in and immediately told me what the next steps were. One of them he was not and just as quickly said “no, I won’t be interested in that at this time.”

Others that I present this opportunity usually say “Ooo…sure, pass me the information and let me look at it, etc..etc…” – Not this gentleman, he knew right from the start. Even though he turned me down on the third point, I truly respected him for it and was impressed.

Learn To Think On Your Feet – Don’t Be Afraid To Say No

If you want to be successful, you have to learn to make fast decisions and then stick to them. The biggest curse a fighter can have is the “waffling mentality” where you go back and forth on one decision.

“I” still do this but am getting better about it day by day. Luckily I have many people around me that are firm decision makers, so when I start to waffle, they know how to get me back on track.

After my call today, I’m even more motivated to focus on making fast decisions.

Usually we’ll “waffle” or “buy time” when we know we’ll eventually reject something or say “no.” By nature, most of us don’t want to disappoint, so saying no is hard. That’s why we find ways to get around it. What we really end up doing is just wasting everyone’s time.

Instead of thinking of a “no” as rejecting someone, why not think of it “respecting their time enough not to pull their leg.”

Practice Making Hard Deadlines On Decisions And Sticking To Them

Here is an exercise to help you improve your decision making skills. For just one day, every decision you need to make from choosing your clothes to making decisions at work – assign a deadline to each decision.

I don’t mean you necessarily have to make important work decisions THAT day – but assign a deadline.

Commit to yourself that by THIS time on THIS day, you will make a final decision on something no matter what. AND, most importantly, you will NOT change your mind (of course there is always room for urgent exceptions, but only strict emergencies).

Not only do you need to learn to make fast decisions, but if you want to be a leader and be looked upon as a success you need to backup your decisions, stick to them and show confidence in them.

Popularity: 3% [?]

What You’re About To Learn: Why “smarts” is not your IQ or what GPA you carried in school. It’s how “resourceful” you are.

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Yesterday I had one of those moments when I had to once again place my ego aside and just admit that “I wasn’t the best thing since sliced bread, didn’t know this and needed some darn help on it.”

It seems that the more I learn, the more help I keep needing to ask for.

Isn’t that counter-intuitive? You would think that the more I learn, the less help I should need to ask for – well, guess what, you’re wrong and so was I.

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I’m only kidding about the part about being shocked that I needed help. As a matter of fact, I’ve been asking for help since as far back as I can remember.

> I was never the smartest kid in school but graduated in the top 10 of my high school class (not just top 10%) and the top FEW percent of my college class.

> I started a successful business while a Junior in college and never needed a job.

> I went from being so shy I could barely talk to my parents to now speaking infront of over 1,000 people without blinking an eye…

Am I just bragging? NO – I’m trying to get to a point.

The point is that the only reason I was able to do all these things is because I am the master at asking for help (sometimes to the point of down right laziness for not just figuring it out on my own).

By nature I never feel “stupid” or “ashamed” for admitting that I need help, I actually look at it as an opportunity to learn without wasting precious time making mistakes.

For example…

> To be in the top 10 of my high school class, I made sure to sit next to the smart kids (not to cheat, but so they could teach me). I also was friends with all of them, in their study groups (even borrowed their homework answers sometimes, haha jk).

> To start my business I found a forum online and asked up to 10 questions a day. I eventually found a mentor (and have had a few at the different stages in my life).

> To learn how to speak in-front of people, I asked my Marketing Director to teach me.

The list goes on…

(( This very website you’re reading is because others help me put it up, etc…)

The Smartest People Are The Ones That Are The Most Resourceful

To me, “smarts” is not your IQ or what GPA you carried in school. It’s how “resourceful” you are.

> How fast can you get a question answered?
> Who is in your network?

So, When Should You Ask For Help?

Always and any time you can. Pure and simple. I prefer not to waste my time researching and trying to figure out things that I know a 5 minute phone call can resolve.

If I need something that someone else can help me on, I ask. If they say no, fine, I ask someone else.

Trust me, there is ALWAYS someone you know or someone you know knows that can help you.

Your goal should not be to “know” as much as possible but rather to know as many “people” as possible – focus on expanding your personal and professional network and you’ll grow much faster than you would by spending that time in the library.

For Today – I challenge you to take 5 minutes to ask someone for help. Maybe call someone in your family is a great Italian cook and admit that you’re not a great Italian cook so maybe they can share their recipe?

Or, go to a colleague at work and ask how he/she stays so organized…

Anything – ask and see what happens.

Popularity: 2% [?]