So, I haven’t written in a while, but today I received a sudden boost of inspiration. I’ll give you the background, but first let me warn you that this may come off sounding like a “rant.” Trust me, there’s “education” somewhere in here

Some Background…

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling lately. We’re getting ready to fully launch our non-profit. The main business has seen tremendous growth and is getting ready to possibly enter a new era (undiscovered territory!)…

All in all…LOTS of new things which also means LOTS of work/tension/stress/challenges.

Lucky for me I have an iron strong team behind me to lean on.

Actually my team is so strong that in the last few months I felt the relationship had turned quite a bit. I remember the day not so long ago that I can honestly say I felt I was the “central” pillar to the company.

I could see that I held things up and that when something went wrong…the team came to me.

However, in the last few months, I saw that change - I almost feel that it went backwards (which is awesome). Now, the TEAM is the pillar and “I” go to THEM.

There are all these checks and balances and many of them protect me from the day to day so I can be allowed to strategize, grow and dream (hey, someone has to do it right?)

What’s Going On In My Head Lately…

Other than getting a bit tired from travel and all that, I’ve been in “lurning” mode lately.

I’ve been spending a LOT of time inside my head. Given that I’m naturally a “to myself” kind of guy, being left alone to spend hours inside my own head is almost a treat for me!

I’ve been strategizing and planning - kind of like an artist in a closed dark studio in his basement.

I’m now not only dealing with an entire new set of challenges in the main company, but an equally large amount of new challenges for the non-profit we’re launching.

So, all in all…I’ve had my hands full…

Now…The Downside of Being In My Head…

When I’m in my head…that’s where I am, period. I tend to not really want to socialize or even be around people. I get in the “zone” and if you met me for the first time, you’d swear I was a rude S.O.B.

You have to understand, there is heavy duty lifting going on in there - I’m knee deep in anything from excel sheets in my mind to rolling through my rolodex to practicing “pitches” - it takes focus and full attention

Now, here is where ‘being in my head’ can be a problem…

…For those who don’t understand the type of person who likes being in their head, they’re fast to assume you’re being rude or that you’re upset.

On a common day, this may not be much of a problem for many.

But, if you’re a “leader” - welcome to a plethora of problems

Today, I got my first reminder that my team still indeed is very tuned into me. They’re watching. They’re observing. I’m not exactly off the hook yet

Yesterday I was on my way to our Mumbai office, after having been in Mumbai now for 3 days, I’ve barely been in the office. It seems I caught some bug in Dubai and have been “down for the count” the last few days.

But, I forced myself to go in yesterday because I was feeling a bit better.

Well, 10 minutes into the drive, BAM I got sick. No idea what happened, but it got bad.

So, it seems I just walked into the office, kind of said a general “hi” to the office and went straight into the cabin and didn’t come out to socialize with anyone.

Again, I’m “in my own head” mode right now PLUS I’m not feeling well. As far as I could see, I didn’t do anything that wrong. I mean, in the end, who really cares that I’m there, right?

I doubt the team really wants to talk to me…most of them don’t have any day to day work with me. So, really for them…it’s just business like any other day, whether I talk to them or not?

(Back to the story)

I lasted about 2 hours (max) and decided it was time to go back to the hotel and sleep. Well, I packed my stuff and shot STRAIGHT for the door - apparently along the way ducking my entire team and avoiding all conversation.

I won’t lie - I really didn’t want to talk at that time. I just wanted out.

Well…Leaders Have To Think About Others, Not Just Themselves

Big lesson learned.

I learned TODAY that my behavior had a ripple effect across the team. Some were upset or concerned or confused. Certainly they were impacted enough to take the time to discuss it.

“Wow…so I guess they DID want to talk to me?”

In the end, I learned that even though it may be OK to “me” that I spend this time in my head for a few months. It’s not all about me.

If I want to continue to build myself as a leader, I’m going to have to let go of this selfish side of me. My team here works hard for my vision, everyday they come to work ultimately trusting ME.

If I can’t even have the decency to smile and say hello and ask them how their day is, what kind of a leader am I?

So…I get it and now I hope you do too.

If you want to be a leader - be a leader. It’s not easy. Don’t whine about it. You’re sick? You’re stressed? You’re having a bad day?  Suck it up.

Because your every facial expression, your every word (or lack thereof) has an impact on those around you.

So thank you to my team here and to those of you who pointed out my behavior. It may seem small to you, but it was a big lesson learned for me!

Big enough that I was inspired to take 30 minutes to write this.

(For now, back to my nap so I can gather energy and go back to my team smiling and cheerful!)

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I was asked the silliest question recently. What made it silly was that I think it was an “honest question” - the person REALLY wanted to know (and I have a feeling that he still doesn’t believe my answer).

By the way, he happens to be a reader of this blog, probably reading right now - so this is dedicated to you.

Here’s the context:

I work a lot. I work hard. I work crazy hours. I love every minute of it.

I have big goals in life. I want to achieve the unachievable. I want to leave everyone scratching their heads thinking: “what the hell is he doing? how is he doing it?”

To do this, I know I have to work my tail off. Period. There is no such thing as “being lucky” - you create your own luck. So, this is why I work so hard (it helps to love what I do).

Now, here’s what prompted the question:

We recently pulled off one of the largest product launches in our industry’s history and it was amazing, exhilarating - everything I dreamed it would be.

At the same time, it required LOTS of work. Hours and hours of no sleep, stress, arguments, etc… This is nothing new to me, I’ve been doing it for five years and my “hard work investment” has always paid off (so why stop now?).

Well, the person who asked me this question has been seeing me online (on Gtalk) for hours and hours and has been receiving countless e-mails from me as I manage the launch.

I guess after a while he just started to wonder: “How is this possible? How is he working so many hours yet still walking around alive, with left-over energy at the end of it all?”

I guess what concerns me  is that the best conclusion he could reach for was that “I’m on illegal drugs.” At first it was funny, now I wonder if he’s serious…guess he doesn’t think much of me if he is

More background:

I have a condition called Crohn’s Disease. It’s raked havoc on my life and almost killed me multiple times. As hard as it has been on me, it’s made me who I am today - so I guess it’s a blessing in disguise (still hard to accept).

It’s made me resilient, persistent and it’s helped me appreciate life for what it is NOW.

Now, because of the aggressive form of the disease, I have to take a lot of medication, some of which is very expensive and even a bit risky if used long-term (but I have no choice).

Well…when I responded that “No, I do not take illegal drugs.” The conclusion reached was that perhaps my medication has some substances in it that give me an unfair advantage in the world.

I know…crazy right?

I wanted to post about this because I thought it was funny.

Here is some advice everyone:

Let’s not look TOO deep for answers as to how one becomes successful. It’s hard work - that’s it. You create your own luck. Look for opportunities, keep an open mind and don’t be too fast to judge that which you do not understand.

So…Finally the “Scientific Explanation” of why I can stay up for up to 58 Hours & perform at peak the entire time?

I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve practiced.

I love what I do and I don’t know any other way. When something needs to get done, I get it done.

I don’t sit there and feel sorry for myself or stress about how much work is needed to get done - I just do it.

So, in the words of our friends at Nike, “Just Do It!”

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Deal with it - you’re not perfect and you never will be.

But, if you want to grow, you better be willing to dedicate your life to trying to be perfect.

I’ve found that many people can’t take criticism at all. They take it personally and react defensively and can even get down right nasty.

Here’s the thing…

If you don’t allow those around you to tell where you can improve, how do you expect to grow?

You’re in your head and by human nature, you’re going to feel you’re right. There is no doubt you will always be partial to your own ideas. Only those that know you well and are around you a lot can actually tell you about your positives and negatives.

Guess what? Sometimes the things they have to say are down right SHOCKING, APPALLING and even Disheartening.

It’s your choice - you can either use it to grow or you can find easy excuses to allow you to ignore the advice.

The most used “excuse” to get away from listening to constructive criticism is “it’s him, not me, his feelings are wrong and unfounded…”

Here’s the deal though - you can’t tell someone how to feel. If someone feels a certain way, right or wrong, there is a reason. It’s your job to investigate why…

If it truly is a misunderstanding - resolve it right then and there (but nicely). However, I bet, many times you’ll find some credibility behind their claims.

I ASK For Criticism ALL The Time…

It took a lot of personal growth and maturity to get to the point where I was willing to hear “what’s wrong with me.”

The first time I was forced to do this was when I was forced to pull someone in and tell them what’s wrong with THEM. When I started pointing things out, I opened a pandoras box.

Whether it was through self-defense or true concern (I think a little of both), the minute I offered constructive criticism, I found myself receiving the same in return.

The moment of truth…

Since I was the one running the conversation, I could either take this person’s comments as just baseless attacks OR I could take a step back and open my ears.

Luckily, starting that day I chose the route of opening my ears - it has helped change me in many ways and now when I look back I can clearly see the validity of the criticisms.

Remember…

YOU don’t have any right to control how someone feels. If someone feels a certain “bad” way about something you’re doing - it’s either a misunderstanding OR a valid concern.

Either way, it’s up to YOU to take positive action on it.

Choose to ignore it and you’re only cheating yourself.

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I was recently having a conversation with a friend of mine, we were talking about “leadership” and what it takes. He’s currently in a position where he might have to step up and take control; it seems that he is concerned.

We were chatting about how he should approach certain problems and he made a statement that made me think…

I was giving him some “sneaky” advice about how to talk to people and well…get them to do what YOU want.

His response:

“But I don’t want to be manipulative…”

hmm…”Is that what I am?” - Time for a “self-check” - one of those moments where you wonder “Have I gone from good to evil some where along the way?”

Let me give you some background about why I felt this way…

I checked the definition of the word “manipulation” and I actually found two completely contradictory definitions in the dictionary right next to each other.

Here are the two definitions:

Skillful or artful management.

and…

Shrewd or devious management, especially for one’s own advantage.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but they seem to be the exact opposite. One seems to be a compliment and the other seems to be slanderous.

My personal opinion is that “manipulation” has been taken the wrong way - but it does sound like a negative word. So, after lots of thinking I realized that “No, I’m not evil, I’m not really manipulating anyone…I’m INFLUENCING them…”

Using Your Manipulative Powers For GOOD….

Here’s the blatant truth whether you like it or not. All good leaders, political, CEOs, religious (you name it) are INCREDIBLY manipulative - they know how to get what they want from a MASS of people.

But, here’s what differentiates between good and evil…

Are they using it for GOOD or for BAD?

If you’re using it for good then let’s call it INFLUENCING and not manipulation…

Bottom Line, 99% of People Are Followers…

Here is the next blatant truth for you: most people are followers, not leaders. We’re taught to be that way from birth. Even religions are built with hierarchy - you are to FOLLOW…

So…because of this, if you want to be a leader, you have no choice but to learn how to influence.

A good leader has to motivate and get the mass to do what he/she feels is the best to do.

Leaders Get Inside Heads…

Bottom line, you need to be able to get into the heads of others, lower their red flags, gain their trust and then lead them in a direction.

The powers of influence can be enormous, use them wisely and use them only for good - but you have to use them.

In the coming weeks, I’ll share some of my *sneaky* techniques here, they already did wonders for my friend (from what I’m hearing)…

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