…and I won!

What you learn today: Don’t worry about what others are doing, worry about what you’re doing…

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Yesterday, I was at a baby shower for my sister-in-law and typically when I go to these, the women all play these “games” to have fun, but the men are always left out.

Well, not this time - my cousin had thought up of a great game.

She filled up small baby bottles with Heineken beer and would make all of us drink the beer out of a bottle. Whoever finished first would win.

Beer? Competition? Baby Bottle? I’m THERE!

How was this to be missed? I grabbed my bottle, waited for the count-down and began chugging.

WOW - how do babies do it? Not sure if you’ve ever tried drinking out of a bottle, it’s HARD - barely anything comes out.

So, I kept on trying and trying barely getting anywhere and finally I overhear my dad in the background say “the reason he’s going so slow is because he’s not letting go and then sucking again…”

“Ahhh….so THAT’S how you do it?”

The minute I heard that I changed my game plan and implemented the advice and it worked like a charm.

All of a sudden I hear people making a fuss so I stop, it seems that someone has won? But the minute I stopped, my cousin insisted that I keep on going until it’s finished. “Maybe there’s a second prize?” I thought…so I kept “drinking!”

A few sucks later and I hear everyone cheering me on, “did I just win?” I DID!

So What Lessons Can You Take Away From My Bottle Beer Drinking?

Believe it or not, but there is actually a “life-lesson” in that story! You see, I did TWO things that helped me win and really set me apart.

1. As I was drinking I was paying attention to my surroundings. I was listening to feedback and what people were saying. I ended up catching some good advice that ultimately led to me winning.

So, that’s a point to remember, use your 6th sense to keep a pulse of your surroundings. Listen and watch and be nimble enough to change your strategy the minute the environment changes.

2. I didn’t worry about how far “others” were…

This is a BIG one because we all do this in life. I think we spend more time worrying about what OTHERS are doing and where THEY are then we do about ourselves. However, in this case, I did the opposite.

Not even once did I even THINK about where the other person was, I just focused on drinking the FASTEST I possibly could and look what happened?! I won!

Rather the energy it takes to watch where others are, I spent that energy LISTENING to my surroundings and keeping my 6th sense open.

Remember, worry about yourself, what YOU’RE doing - don’t focus so much on what others are doing (other than to learn from it and implement it for yourself).

Popularity: 13% [?]

What you learn today: The structure to follow to peacefully and powerfully resolve a conflict.

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Yesterday I got a call from someone who works with me letting me know that I was going to have to step in as an “authority” on a call to help resolve a disagreement that was fast turning ugly. Here’s what the problem was for me, on a personal level, I’m friends with everyone involved.

Either side I take, I risk fighting with those I respect and like.

However, at the same time, I felt strongly about one side (professionally) and had no choice but to “take a side” and represent it.

For hours I thought about how to proceed so as to have the best consequence and my mind kept running through scenarios that all resulted in a big blow up - needless to say I was a bit nervous and apprehensive.

However, I realized one thing: A leader needs to be able to peacefully resolve conflicts, a leader needs to make sure all voices are heard, but also a leader needs to be able to stand strong and make a decision (even if everyone does not like it).

An indecisive leader is not only ineffective but will never have anyone’s respect.

Resorting To “Active Listening” - My Version of It…

I made a decision to handle the call in the following format:

1. Start by saying that I was there to hear all sides.
2. Summarize the concerns as “I” know them and ask the other party to confirm.
3. Ask the other party to spend some time to voice details of their concern.
4. Summarize what I heard.
5. State my side (without being combative or pointing fingers) - I would make it very clear that I was speaking my mind openly and meant no disrespect.
6. Give time for rebuttal or further concerns.
7. Explain my position one last time.
8. State how I would be moving forward.
9. Thank everyone for their time.

–> Through this entire call, I was very good about consistently reminding all parties that this was a PROFESSIONAL disagreement and was NOT personal and so nothing said should be taken personally.

I think it’s easier said than done, but the end result was fairly impressive and although we didn’t walk away “loving” each other, I do think it was fairly cordial and we’ll all get over it soon enough and that it was for the best in the long-run.

Did I Follow My Outline During The ACTUAL Call?

With the exception of a few distractions, I was very shocked that I really DID follow the outline above and it worked amazingly.

The best part about the outline above is that it makes the opposing party feel that you really ARE hearing them and are trying to work with them. However, at the same time, the outline above allows YOU to take and stay in control of the dispute and the eventual resolution.

I highly recommend that you study the outline above and implement it into ALL conflict resolutions.

Popularity: 11% [?]

I literally just got an email and had to let out my excitement SOMEWHERE. This is the first time I have ever received a gift of this kind and I never would have thought it would make me this happy.

Some Background

As many of you who read this blog regularly know, a year ago I had a chance to visit an organization in Mumbai, India called Aseema and fell in love with it. If you want to learn more about Aseema, click here to read about my experience…

In short, Aseema is an organization dedicated to building schools for very underprivileged children, many of whom live in VERY poor conditions, even homeless.

The children, the organization, the founder, the mission, all of it spoke wonders to me. Unfortunately I have not had a chance to get as involved as I want to get because of other prior responsibilities, but I know the time is coming soon and I know I can make a very positive impact on the organization…

So What Was The Gift?

One of my closest friends and co-workers sponsored a child’s education for a year at Aseema in MY name!

I got a notice from a staff member at Aseema that this donation had been made and I was absolutely smiles and could have done a BACK FLIP (instead I sent her a thank you email and came here to blog

I Never Thought “These KINDS” of Gifts Were Appreciated…

You know you always hear about these kinds of gifts and for the longest time I always wondered if people really like them. I never had the “kahoonas” to gift someone with a non-profit gift to use them as an experiment.

But today, seeing my reaction, I’m confident that it does - this can be one of the BEST gifts you can give anyone.

Here is what I recommend, look at what “cause” is close to one’s heart and find a non-profit organization in that area and donate to it in their name. I have a good feeling they’ll love it!

Popularity: 7% [?]

What you learn today: Impatience is a byproduct of a strong fighter, what to do about it?

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For the last 3 weeks we have been in DEEP discussions at work about making a possible BIG move in the company. We’ve been in research mode which means I’ve spent countless hours on the phone and in meetings searching for the right answer.

Today, we had someone flying in from New York just to meet with us for 3 hours. My expectation?

I was looking forward to the meeting like a little boy does for Christmas. This meeting was supposed to finally provide me a yes/no answer and before 12:00 PM ET hit, it was supposed to end my mind-numbing research - I was supposed to know exactly what we were doing moving forward.

HOWEVER…

The meeting did not provide such a “hard” answer. Don’t get me wrong, it was a GREAT meeting and will likely lead to amazing things. However, the circumstances are just such, that no one really has the right answer - we have to keep exploring.

The end result of this meeting was that the individual who flew down can open new channels for us to continue doing our research (grrrrr)…

One of my “problems” is that I am impatient as heck, I want everything answered/resolved NOW. If it’s on my mind, I want it done. This has been great in some cases and very problematic in others.

I’m learning to increase may patience, because my impatient attitude really KILLS my ability to negotiate in business and it also has a tendency to drive others around me a bit crazy.

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What To Do?

1. No expectations - In my example, I should have never had specific “expectations” from the meeting. Again, remember, the meeting was awesome. The person who flew down is very generous, smart and will help me in many ways.

It’s just, this was the first meeting of it’s kind for me, I didn’t realize that they are not supposed to “decide” anything.

2. Sit on your hands - Not literally (although you can). Basically FORCE yourself, challenge yourself to LET IT GO for at least 24 hours before you bring it up again.

THIS exercise has really helped me. It’s like training for a marathon, you run 1 mile the first day, then 1.5 miles, then 2, etc…

3. Stay busy - The easiest way to NOT dwell on something is to have something else more or equally important distract you.

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Alright, so one of my biggest weaknesses is “impatience” - what about you?

Popularity: 6% [?]

I was recently at a graduation and the president of the university used a story that really hit home with me.

A professor calls an early study group for his students, when they all get there he offers them coffee to get the morning started. He lays out a series of cups (all different kids), some very nice and others pretty ugly.

As the students start going to get coffee they have to choose a cup first. The professor notes how each student is picking the nicest cup available at time of selection.

The styrofoam cups are the last to go.

As the last student gets his coffee, the professor brings his “research” to the student’s attention saying:

“Why is it that everyone went for the nicest cup first? It’s really the coffee you were after right? The cup was simply a tool you needed. The look/shape of the cup makes absolutely no impact on the cup, so why did it matter?

This is a very small example, but it purely illustrates how we spend too much time and energy on things that are irrelevant to our end-goal.

Focus on your end goal, all the things along the way are just tools, as long as they serve the purpose, spending too much thought on them is extra stress that gets in the way of your end goal.

Popularity: 6% [?]

What you learn today: Do you get uncomfortable with silence? Feel the need to talk to replace it? Do you get antsy when you don’t hear an answer? Here’s an exercise…

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Have you ever noticed how intimidating silence can be? Most of us innately feel the need to talk and fill in silence, what we don’t realize is that we’re showing too many of our cards when we talk too much.

The less you share many times, the more cards you have on your side…

This may sound vindictive, but it’s the truth. A big part of being a successful fighter is winning debates, negotiations and winning over people. Many times, the key here is to keep an upper-hand, know someone else’s “touch points” without revealing yours.

I’ve noticed that when I talk too much or am too aggressive, I end up being on the “needy” side of things and lose control over the “fight.”

Here’s an exercise I’ve been working on and I welcome you to join as well…(I encourage you to join):

PRACTICE SILENCE & PATIENCE

Let’s use an example…say you’ve just made an offer on a car and it’s been 10 hours and the sales guy has not called you back - FINE, DON’T CALL HIM!

The minute you all him, the message you’ve sent is that you’re desperate and have nothing better to sit around and think about. He gets the upper hand and your dealing power decreases.

OR, the next time you’re trying to get something your way - mention it and then DON’T defend it. Keep quiet, let the other person talk and talk, listen to them and gather your argument points.

When you DO talk, make it razor sharp and to the point.

Silence is golden (as they’ve said) - especially when you’re negotiating…

Popularity: 13% [?]

…the first question you should be able to answer for someone…

What you learn today: Face it, you want someone’s help? What’s in it for them? Never ask for anything without thinking about this first…

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Before I get cynical on man-kind, let me start by saying that there are many people in the world still who will help with nothing in mind (for the pure joy of helping).

However, even for THEM, if you can create a “win-win” situation, you’re going to succeed far faster than one who does not.

Let me take a personal example. I have a great mentor who has coached me for the last 3 years on all areas of my life from personal to professional. He has been there for me anytime I have needed him and has really pulled me out of binds.

He has NEVER asked for a single thing in return. It’s because of that that I’d probably step in front of a moving bus for him.

So, did I just keep using and using?

Nope. Last year, when I was in position to reward him for his great advice, I did. I made it equitable for him to help me. Now every time he helps me, he gets something out of it too. He never asked me, but the result is just human nature. He feels appreciated and rewarded - that alone makes him that much more likely to help me and continue working with me.

Being selfish will kill you in this game…

A true fighter knows that he/she needs many soldiers on their side. Sure, your “army” may keep giving to you, they’ll be loyal and stand by your side day in and day out.

However, let me promise you this…

EVENTUALLY, if you’re always the one asking and never giving, that loyalty will seize to exist. 

Lesson: EVERY decision you make, EVERY action you take - think about how it impacts those around you. Even if it means doing something that means a BIT less for you, but then something for everyone around you - do it.

Give a little and you’ll be amazed at the results, it all comes back 10 fold (maybe it’s karma)?

Popularity: 6% [?]

What you learn today: Taking 20 minutes a day to perform “audio mind exercises” can really help you reduce stress and anxiety.

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As you know about 2 weeks ago I talked about my experiences with Mind Aerobics (You Can Try it For FREE For 30 Days). I started using this program back in 2004 and had immediately seen a change in my life.

Unfortunately, I have always started and then stopped again out of laziness (it needs at least 20 minutes a night for the best effect).

Recently, I decided to pick it up again and have been pretty consistent the last month (always doing it at least 5 times a week). I am once again completely amazed at the results so I thought I would share them.

What I Was Like 6 Weeks Ago…

I had gotten incredibly busy with many things going on professionally and personally. It would be an understatement to say that I was STRESSED out. I stopped thinking straight, I lost my creativity and I was focusing on “worrying” and sometimes even “panicking.”

I ended up seeing the CD set in my bookshelf and it seemed like the perfect answer (given how many times it has helped in the past).

Here Is What Has Happened…

The biggest difference is that I am about 10 times more calm right now. Yes, I still “freak out” occasionally, but nothing like 6 weeks ago. I am actually so calm that I get a bit worried why…

I am now able to look at problems with a much more clear mind, this not only helps me stay calm but it helps me come up with creative solutions to obstacles.

Check Out Mind Aerobics - Try it For FREE For 30 Days! Click Here…

If you have not yet, this is really an investment I believe very strongly in. I have made myself a promise to not go more than 2 days a week without listening to it.

I figure, just like regular work outs, I should give my brain at least 2 days a week off to rest.

If you cannot afford Mind Aerobics - We Let You Try It For FREE…

No problem, it happens - but I do recommend that you start saving up as soon as possible.

In the mean time, the best short term solution is to grab your ipod or some other sound system, plug in some headphones and listen to ANY soothing music (jazz/classical/etc…)

If nothing else, this will relax you and give you some time to clear your mind.

HOWEVER, THIS IS NOT what Mind Aerobics does, remember, MA is scientifically developed to actually target different areas of your brain, different wave lengths in a very specific order.

Popularity: 11% [?]

What You’re About To Learn: There is some truth to the old saying “don’t re-invent the wheel…”
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I’m not sure what happened to me the last year, whether I’ve gotten a big more arrogant or I just feel “that” much smarter than everyone - but, I’ve spent a lot of time and headache trying to do things MY way.

These are the same things that others do a different way, not just a few, but ALL my friends. Of course, they’re also very successful at it.

However, still for some reason, I looked down my nose at many of them and thought “I” can do it better. Well, many headaches later, I think I’ve had an embarassing and humbling moment.

Don’t Re-invent The Wheel…

Please, if you do nothing else, do things the way they work. At least when you’re first starting something. Do it the way it’s been done, the proven way. Once you’ve proven yourself and bought some room for wiggle, feel free to try anything you want.

Bottomline, stick to the basics, sometimes creativity is not great in the beginning, but can be the difference at the right time.

Popularity: 7% [?]

What You’re About To Learn: Why asking for advice from “anyone” is not as helpful as you may think…

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When I was first looking to start a business I remember all the negativity. I was only 19 and everyone told me I couldn’t do it, not possible, I had no experience, no money, blah blah blah.

Needless to say, I was pretty deflated.

It was then that I heard someone say “take the advice of those who are where you want to be…not anyone and everyone who decides to offer it.”

Here’s what I mean…

Let’s say you want to learn how to fly, would you ask someone who has never flown to teach you?

NO!

Then why do you run around asking people for advice who are obviously not fit to provide it.

Before you ask anyone for advice, ask yourself - is this person where I want to be in my life? For example, is this person a pilot?

If the answer is no, keep your mouth shut and move on to someone else more qualified to give advice on that topic.

The more I live my life, I’m finding that “advice” is pretty useless most of the time. Those who are truly qualified to give advice (true mentors) are usually smart enough to only GUIDE you and never tell you what to do. My first warning sign now for bad advice is when someone tells me what to do rather than just try to guide me (even if they are or have been where I want to go).

** Please don’t get me wrong, if it was not for good advice, I would not be who I am today. But for every piece of GOOD advice I get, I usually end up also getting 10 pieces of useless advice. You need to learn to hear through the noise…

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