What you learn today: If you want to improve your life, you have to first learn to accept, enjoy and appreciate your current life…

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Within the last few months I’ve had a chance to visit an organization called “Aseema” twice and I have to say that in many ways, it has truly changed my life.

Aseema is a non-profit that builds schools for underprivileged street children – these kids literally live in the slums in India, Aseema pulls them away from their abusing jobs and horrible situations and gives them a class A education.

My Biggest Take-Away – The Smiles On These Kid’s Faces

Let me ask you something? So what if your burger is done medium-rare and not medium? Who cares if “she” talked about you behind your back?

These are the questions you start to ask when you get a chance to visit these children and see the HUGE smiles on their faces. These kids are the greatest fighters I have ever seen.

> They live in the slums
> They can barely afford to eat
> Many of them are abused
> The list goes on and I don’t have the strength to get into it.

Yet, some how, these kids are running around, playing, smiling, laughing, cheering – just being kids with big dreams and hopes.

“Hey Kids, What Do You Want To Be In The Future?”

When we asked this question, their enthusiastic, optimistic, fighter filled hands shot straight to the sky…

- A doctor!
- A cricketer!
- An architect…
- Musician
- Artist…

We heard it all and they weren’t just saying it – they had a plan. Mind you, these kids ranged from 2 years old to 10 years old and many of them already knew what cricket team they would play for in 10 years – talk about self-manifesting!

“We Can All Learn A Thing or Two From These Kids…”

Every time I start to get down on myself about the fact that “I’m not making enough money” or some other stupid thing that really just doesn’t matter in the end – I look at these pictures (I have over 100 of them).

These kids have taught me that we should all make the best of life. If you want to fight for a better life, you ironically need to accept the one you have and enjoy the moment.

Enjoy your current life, smile, laugh and continue to fight for a better life – but you can’t do one without the other.

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Side Tip: I really advise that you get involved with a non-profit that holds dear to your heart – your life takes a different meaning the minute you do. For me, it’s “underpriviledged education” – I really believe that every child should be given a great education and a chance to pave his/her own way.

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What you learn today: Why everything you know about “law of attraction and self-manifesting” doesn’t work and an easy way to make it work…

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I recently met a person who has intrigued me quite a bit, his name is Noah St. John (Click here to get his free report on today’s topic). The way we met is that we were both at a conference that we each paid $10,000 to get into and the organizer of this conference spent the entire 5 days picking on Noah.

He became an instant celebrity in-front of 200 people.

Well, hook and crook I ended up at the dinner table one night next to him as he munched down a bag of almonds (he’s insanely disciplined and follows “The Zone” diet).

We got to talking and instantly sparked a friendship. Since then he and I have shared many e-mails, talked on the phone, shared business strategies and talked about “self-development.” He even recently signed a book deal where he got paid multiple 6-figures as a signing bonus! (no wonder I keep him close

Well, long story short, I recently chimed in on one of his tele-conference calls to ease-drop and see what the big “Noah” craze is really all about.

The call was awesome, he really presented some concepts that even after reading well over 50 self-help books (the best ones), I have not heard of.

The one that really got me and I’ve already implemented is…

Afformations – Automatically Manifesting What You Want

I’m telling you, someone needs to call Webster and get “afformations” word put into the dictionary with Noah getting 100% of the credit (he did invent it – I confirmed with him).

Here’s how it works and this is HIS explanation on the tele-conference that I am paraphrasing:

“Your mind has a habit of conversing with you (that little voice in your head). Whenever you say something that it does not agree with, it’ll argue back and say ‘no, that’s not true.’

Now, in old-fashioned ‘law of attraction’ they teach that you should go around telling yourself what you want to be and you shall become it.

For example:

“I am happy.”

If you think it, you’ll become it — that’s the old way of doing it. Well, Noah laughs at such ice-age methods and proves why they don’t work.

You see, the minute you tell yourself “I AM Happy” that little voice in your head counters with “No you’re not stupid, why are you lying to yourself?”

BOOM! Full power of “self-manifesting” gone to the trash! You just subconsciously negated your own positive manifestation and then you wonder why it never ‘works?’

You have to re-phrase that statement in such a way that it forces your mind to think about the positive. Here’s what you say instead:

“Why Am I So Happy?”

You see, the minute you say that your brain starts to search for reasons – you just asked it a question. Rather than negating you, it starts to search for reasons and the finds them!

THIS IS TRULY SELF-MANIFESTING.

I’ve tried this technique and it really works, makes me laugh even because it’s so darn sneaky.

So, try a few right now, you can do this with anything – just add “Why” in front of it…

Examples/

I want to lose weight –> Why am I so fit already?
I want to make money –> Gosh, why am I so wealthy?
I want that promotion –> Why am I such a shoe-in for that promotion?

Force your brain to THINK about the positive side, don’t just make some random statement because in the back of your head, your brain is rejecting it!

Get a FREE Report from Noah on Afformations – I highly recommend reading and listening to anything that Noah releases.

** Just to make sure I have not made any errors in my understanding of afformations, I am summoning Noah to come check on this!

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A fighter needs to learn how to make hard decisions, whether it be personal, professional or anything for that matter. Those who make decisions are the ones that lead, even if at times those decisions are hard.

After years of decision-making (right and wrong), the decisions have only gotten harder and harder with bigger potential rewards and/or consequences. By default, I was becoming inclined to debate and reason for days/weeks and even months before I made a hard decision.

Never Do This When Making A Decision

What’s worse is that I was starting to get “wishy washy” – meaning I would make a decision and then change it and then make another one and change it again…

I still am a bit “wishy washy,” especially as of lately – my head has been in a bit of a fog with everything going on.

It was because of this that I recently made a decision about how I would make decisions

Go with my gut feeling…

Rule #1 of Making Hard Decisions

Before you let your brain become overwhelmed with “logical reasoning” and all the “what ifs” – take a step back, step OUT of your own head and just think “what is my gut saying?”

Many times (I’d say 90% of the time), THAT is the right decision to go with. Yes, some times it isn’t, but none of us will ever make the right decision 100% of the time, not possible.

Your gut is actually very observant, start to trust it more.

How Do You Know What Your Gut Thinks?

First of all, “your gut” is more like “what you feel…” – it’s just that FEELING you get, sometimes you have no way of explaining it, but you know it’s there.

The best way to know what your gut is thinking is to do this exercise:

Step back and DE-clog your mind…count down from 10 while taking a few deep breaths.

Now, simply ASK yourself the question and look for the FIRST feeling you get – something inside you WILL respond immediately. What you want is that IMMEDIATE response, not the one that comes right after it or 5 seconds into it (that’s when the “decision debate” starts and that is precisely what we’re trying to get away from).

Let’s see an example:

“Should I confront Lisa about the comments she made to Mark about me?” <– just pulled one out of thin air…

Now, you will INSTANTLY get a feeling in your head/gut – somewhere, anywhere. It’ll either say YES or it’ll say NO. THAT initial feeling is your answer/decision.

RIGHT after that initial feeling you’ll instantly also hear the “But…and what if…” For now, don’t pay attention to them. The first thing you need to do is recognize and listen to your gut.

Once you know what your gut says…

After Your Gut, Give Your Brain ONE Counter-Argument…

What I do after my gut declares the decision is give my brain a chance to counter-argue (like in court) just once. So, I let myself get overtaken by ALL the “what ifs.” Here’s the next question I ask myself…

“Are these risks so big that they overshadow the benefit?”

If your answer is yes, then you’ve officially made a decision and now have reason to counter your gut.

Here’s the thing though, I’ve done this many times and hardly ever has my brain been able to overrule my gut.

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I was scanning the internet today and I found a place that was absolutely BASHING one of my friends – some of it was down right offensive to even me (but I’ll admit some of it was just good fun). Either way, many of the bashers on this site were being incredibly hurtful.

It’s all because this person is in the public eye and of course with that comes the publicity and those who make fun of you.

It reminded me of the many people who have levied attacks on me and my personality/ethics in the past based on some ridiculous points.

That then further led me to think about all the times I’ve been “rejected” and I started to wonder why it no longer impacts me at all? I seem to just shrug it off, I suppose it’s happened so many times…

The “fighter” in me has learned to deal with rejection and is basically immune to it now.

How To Deal With Rejection – The Fighter Way

1. Expect it – You’re not perfect, never will be. If you apply to 10 jobs, 7 will likely reject you – it’s just how it is. If you launch a business, the odds are against you. If you’re in the public eye, SOMEONE will attack you.

Accept it – if you can’t, then you’re living in “la la” land.

2. Numbers Game - Never put your eggs in one basket. Life is almost always a numbers game. The more people you ask, the more “yes’s” you’ll get (along with the no).

3. Take Your Mind Off of It IMMEDIATELY – It’s like ripping a band-aid off, do it FAST, scream and move on. You can let it overtake your mind for only 6 seconds and then get yourself busy with something so you don’t dwell on it.

4. Join The Fun – This is a technique my parents taught me as a kid when people made fun of me, my mom said “try laughing along with them…” It works, when you don’t react, you’re not as fun to poke at.

5. DON’T REACT – This is the worst thing you can do if you’re rejected or being made fun of. People WANT a rise out of you, don’t give it to them.

Remember, when life pushes you, stand straight, SMILE and push back.

6. My Favorite – Change Your Mindset

Rather than thinking that you just got a “no,” think that you’re “one step closer to a yes.” They both mean the same thing, but it’s how you think about it.

The more you succeed, the more you’ll have to deal with rejection. It sounds opposite, but it’s the truth and it’s exactly how it happens.

Expect it, laugh at it and move on. If you start to dwell, remind yourself that you’re fighter, not a whiner

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Here is a fighter’s kryptonite (one amongst many) – jealousy.

Jealousy is innately built into us as humans. We want more than the next person. We want to be better than the next person. For the most part, we can’t stand to see others succeed unless we are moving along right with them.

I’m speaking to myself as much as I am to anyone else – I’ve worked on “jealousy” all my life and am finally arriving at a point where I am firm with my own goals, strengths and plan. What others do does not impact me near as much as it used and I’ve quit trying to “ride the wave.”

Many of us make the mistake of just doing what others do in the interest of getting the same results as them. I am willing to bet that this strategy works out for about 1 in 1,000,000 (if that many even).

Bottom line is that you’re YOU and that’s it. You want to succeed? Great! Do it on your own terms, not someone else’s.

Be Envious, Not Jealous

I have this cousin who is incredibly well off, nice big house, expensive cars, great family (the list goes on…). Since I was a little kid I’ve looked up to him and always been amazed at all the things he had and how cool he was.

I’ve always wanted what he has and wanted to live his life. By the way, he works his tail off and has earned every ounce of it – that’s what impresses me the most.

So, no, I didn’t want it handed down to me – I wanted to do it the way he did.

Growing up, I saw that he was in Medical school and that he was going to make tons of money in the future – so what did I do? I started studying to be a doctor…

1 year into my studies I hated it, hated my life and everything around myself.

I quickly learned that I had to do these things MY way, not his. I left medicine and started studying business and 3 years later, I can say it was the best decision I ever made (for me).

I was never jealous, just motivated…

You see, during that entire time, I was never once jealous of my cousin. Rather I used his success to MOTIVATE me. I let it be proof to me that “if he could do it, so could I.”

I chose a completely different path and a few years later I’m almost there! Given, he’s got a few years head start on me

Be ENVIOUS of people and look up to their success and let it motivate you to do the same. But, don’t be jealous, jealousy will eat you alive and only hold you back.

But a Fighter is ALWAYS Competitive…

I made the story above sound all rosey, don’t get me wrong – I’m still a fighter and a fighter is ALWAYS competitive. But it’s always respectful competition. I only “compete” with those who are stronger than I.

It helps me grow, it helps me excel and it gives me clear goals to achieve.

So in review – don’t be jealous, be envious. Use the success of others to propel and motivate you into action. Commit yourself to achieving even more success, but do it YOUR own way. Never shortcut anyone, remember, this is a big world and we can all be successful.

But a little competitive spirit never hurt anyone

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The Fighter Mentality is not only something that comes to life AFTER something goes wrong, but more something that is awake 24/7 and always on the look-out.

Whenever a fighter is faced with an obstacle or challenge or smells one coming, he/she immediately kicks into mode and starts preparing for the fight. I’ve spent the last 5 years evaluating what I do and I’ve found a consistent patter.

How To Overcome Obstacles – FIRST, Prepare For The Worst…

I know that sounds like old and re-hashed advice, but hear me out.

I’ve learned that in order for me to face a problem head-on with a clear head, I have to ACCEPT (100%) the WORST possible outcome that could happen.

What do I mean by this?

Here’s a personal and fairly extreme example.

When I was in the ICU a couple of years ago, many nurses told me that I was probably the happiest patient they had ever seen with the best attitude (just to note, I was internally bleeding profusely, could not even stand up without risking heart overload and had already gone into shock from blood loss once).

So, yes, pretty serious situation.

This was a point in which the “Fighter” kicked in. I evaluated the situation and determined the WORST case – it was that I may die, I’m not trying to be dramatic – just proving a point.

Save All Energy For Positive Thoughts...

If I was going to “fight” this situation and come out on top, I had to put 100% of my energy on positive things and focus on getting better, I could not spare even ONE second “fearing” the worst. So, I simply accepted it.

I accepted the fact that I had lived a good life and that if I die, it would be amongst my loved ones and that if I was going to go, I would make it a point to go with a smile on my face.

It took me a lot of convincing myself, but I did accept it. At the SAME time, I determined that “if they’re gonna take me, Ima go down swinging!”

So, I was very motivated to fight and WIN. I focused 100% of my energy on motivating myself and taking every situation one step at a time.

In the end, I was able to completely focus on getting better and I did. I had accepted the worst possible situation and so I no longer feared it (and was prepared for it).

The next time you have an obstacle ahead of you – face your fears. Pretend as if the worst has already happened. Plan your way OUT of that situation, accept it and see how much easier it is to stand and fight.

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Every now and then I see a story that really strikes me and reminds me again why the “fighter mentality” is so important. Unfortunately many who are not stuck in dyer situations are not motivated enough to awaken the fighter mentality…

I found this video recently of Randy Pausch, a Carnegie Mellon professor who encompasses everything I mean when I say “Awaken The Fighter Mentality.”

The video is called “The Last Lecture” for 2 reasons.

1. He used to do this lecture on “life happiness” every year as it is anyways and it would be his last lecture.
2. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and told that he had 6 months to live, so unfortunately in it’s most literal sense, this IS his last lecture.

I was very excited to see his attitude, enthusiasm and it did nothing but motivate me (as well as saddened me a bit to see his situation). Yes, he is still alive today, you can follow his health and great enthusiasm at the following blog:

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/news/

Watch this video and think, learn and grow. It’s about 75 minutes long, so shut your door, grab something to drink and enjoy!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo 425 355 false]

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Society teaches us to hide our frustrations. Anyone who shows emotion or a sign of being “let down” is considered weak and not in control.

Given that, when we get frustrated or fail – we’re inclined to do either of two things:

1. Freak out.
2. Bottle it up.

Both are wrong.

My opinion is that feeling frustrated, feeling like giving up – those feelings are just fine, as a matter of fact they are almost necessary. If you don’t feel those every now and then, how you ever going to know when things are good?

My trick is that I feel it’s ok to “freak out” or express incredible frustration or even think about quitting – as long as you do it for a few moments and then put it behind you.

These are powerful feelings, no one (I don’t care who you are) can just ignore them and package them away – they’ll get you eventually. So, why not do the opposite?

Why not acknowledge them and purposely let them vier their ugly heads around the corner? Try this…

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or thinking of quitting…give yourself a DEDICATED amount of time that you will allow those feelings to impact you and make you feel sorry for yourself and once that time is up – cut it out, push them out and move on.

Example/

You just stepped on the scale and see that you did not lose any weight this week after all the hard work you put in. The feeling to quit starts to seep in, frustration, disappointment and negative emotions take you over.

Let them – but look at yourself in the mirror and say…

“Fine, you got 15 minutes (or 1 hour or whatever) – go ahead and be depressed and feel sorry for yourself. But, that’s it, after that time, back at it we go. So hear me all you negative feelings, I’m ‘allowing’ you to engulf me for the next 15 minutes. Do what you want, but know this, you have 15 minutes and then you’re OUT OF HERE.”

Learn to control your emotions appropriately, we don’t control everything so sometimes you need to let nature do it’s course – but in the end you control the outcome.

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This comes from page 126 of “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie (not my affiliate link yet, waiting to get approved by Amazon)!

The next time you need to tell someone they are wrong, stop.

Mr. Carnegie makes an amazing point that we should never tell anyone they are wrong – it never evokes a helpful response – no one wants to be wrong (do you?)…

Instead, tell them how what they did made you feel. It will have a profound impact. Obviously if what they did made you feel bad, they were wrong But let them come to this decision on their own.

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Perfect Example
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Without naming names, something drastic happened in my life a few years back and I was very upset with someone close to me. I felt that they were not there for me at all and it shocked me, upset me and greatly saddened me.

For quite some time, I held a grudge and did not speak with them. However, pretty soon the negativity began to spread – others around me soaked it in and began to mis-treat this one individual on account of what had happened with me.

Eventually it BLEW up – but rather than it blowing up with me and this person, it was someone else close to me and that person. Naturally I felt horrible.

I quickly recognized that the situation needed a resolution and so I took action. I decided to meet with the person who I felt wronged by and talk to them about this face to face.

My tactic? Tell them how it made me feel (to my credit this was before I read it in the book : ) …

I sat down at a local Starbucks and found that the opposing person was baffled at why I had “shut them out” and that they felt they had been there for me all the way.

Instead of saying “you are wrong and you were wrong and no you were not…”

I took the approach of…

“Perhaps there was a miscommunication, all I know is that I felt very abandoned and let down from someone I was hoping for great support from.

I was going through a very rough patch in my life and needed your support and I did not feel that I had it. I understand that perhaps I should have spoken with you about this earlier, I was just very upset and perhaps that was my mistake.”

The result?

PROFOUND - The entire situation was resolved in minutes, relationship restored, both parties happy and everyone living happily ever after (to point at least).

For those of you with an ego – notice that I did NOT apologize or say “sorry” anywhere, that was not necessary – I only needed to discuss my feelings. I never said this person was wrong – I simply was honest about how “I” felt.

Keep it about you, give the other person some benefit of doubt and go into it with a mindset of a peaceful resolution, not a fight.

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