Sometimes I have to tell myself that more than a few times. Ever been in a situation where your mind starts to race? Good feelings, bad feelings, mixture - just a hodge podge of emotions and you feel like you’re losing control…

Happens to me every now and then and I’ve learned a great technique to STOP it dead in it’s tracks…

“Take a step back…” - Not literally, but in theory.

Here’s what you LITERALLY do…

1. Deep breath

2. Grab a piece of paper

3. Start writing down EVERYTHING going through your mind (typically this results in a “to do” list)

4. Organize the list by priority…each thing on the list should be something you take action on. If you wrote a feeling down, you need to analyze it further until you reach the ONE thing you can do to neutralize the feeling.

5. Start from top and work your way down - cross them off as you finish…

It’s amazing how quickly your mind calms back down and the sense of relief that can come over you knowing that you’ve taken control back away from your racing crazy head.

Try it some time.

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Dear Fighters,

For the next few days at least, I will be quoting the lessons learned from one of my favorite books - How To Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. This is the first of his books I have read and I am an enormous fan already. The book was a short read but has completely changed the way I “deal with people.”

One of his points of advice that really hit home with me was “Never Criticize People…” - He didn’t really give away 3 reasons, but I am (after thinking how this applies in my life).

1. It inspires one to be defensive.

Have you ever tried to work with or talk to anyone that is defensive? It’s very hard, they shut down their reasoning and listening and focus on DEFENDING themselves. At this point, nothing you say will convince them that you’re right.

What happens is that THEM being defensive makes YOU more aggressive and soon, before you know it, you’re arguing.

2. It inspires “negative” feelings…

A goal of mine when I speak to anyone (even if we’re fighting) is to make them walk away feeling good. I don’t want anyone, ever, to walk away from me feeling ill-will towards me.

Well, when you put someone down and tell them they’re WRONG - they tend not to have rosey thoughts of you.

3. Your message is completely tainted…

Whatever you were trying to get across - forget about it. It ain’t happening. That person is no longer focused on your “constructive” criticism, they’re focusing on your criticism and are now thinking of how they can “attack” back.

So, all in all, I think “constructive criticism” is bull **** - there is no such thing! Always focus on COMPLEMENTING with helpful suggestions

It may seem like I just did a play on words, but I really didn’t - there is a huge difference, try it and see for yourself.

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